Comparison Killed the Content

I guess a hello is in order. No, you shouldn't apologise for stepping away or having a hiatus, but I want to. I'm ashamed for just giving up. Blogging and sharing is not something I ever wanted to stop full-time - I always knew I'd come back to it, but I had to have a major reset. I started this blog in 2013 and because of my laziness and pessimistic nature, I stopped myself from reaching my potential.

As life does, it gets on top of you, but it's no excuse considering there are people also with full-time jobs and partners, some even with children are posting continuously and consistently. The truth is; seeing such great content actually killed my mo-jo. Feelings of inadequacy in both terms of photography and content when reading those I admire should have inspired me, but it did the opposite. I tried to rise to the challenge, but fell flat. Whilst among friends, I thought I would the blogging woes off my chest and share those factors that knocked my blogging confidence.

I'm just not pretty enough
You hear it all the time in the blogging world - comparison isn't healthy, but it's just something I can't help. I see all these beauties with great jawlines, cheekbones and generally photogenic babes and there's me - a potato in front of the camera. It's no coincidence those on the higher end of the aesthetically pleasing scale seem to have a greater following (along with their dedication and great content of course). I'm not fishing for compliments or for anyone to say otherwise - I'm just not photogenic. I'll get my contour on, create a fairly decent smokey brown eye, but it just doesn't translate to the camera. How do you do it, guys? Tell me your secrets! 

I'll be happy with how I look in the mirror, but it genuinely doesn't translate to film. The camera only wants to pick up on how asymmetrical I really am (right eye is apparently majorly smaller than my left) and it's not fun for the ego. Something I really need to get over, but it's a real kicker when it takes about 20 snaps for one that I am OK with sharing. I will be honest, I actually paid for a non-surgical nose job so it could make me more photogenic. It didn't work. Is that pathetic? I really shouldn't care, but I do - your value isn't in how you look in a photo, but I can't stop thinking that's how you'll be remembered. Maybe it's the double chin I need to work on...


Content
I'm not a natural writer. I'm a waffler. Pretty sure I take longer than most to knock up a post - constantly back spacing and editing what I'm trying to convey. There are some really well written bloggers out there that share their personality through words so well and I focus on trying to being grammatically collect and constantly thinking 'will my Grandparents/boss approve of this'? Have to remind myself I'm not doing it for them - it's a space for me to share thoughts on what I want. I want to write more noteworthy pieces rather than focusing on how I dressed down my work trousers. Yes, I love style posts and tend to be the blogs I follow the most, but I'm poor and don't have the ££ to fork out for something new each week. Gotta branch out that writing. 

With that, to create content, you need to plan. I let my planning slip and then so did the ideas - it takes time and dedication along with the odd brain storm. I got in a routine rut getting home from work, pyjamas on and heating up one the meals I prepped on the Sunday before and watching First Dates on catch up. Luckily, Kyle also too felt a little disappointed with wasting our creative potential and we've vowed to dedicate a little more time to working towards our life goals. I am pretty lucky in the sense that he's a natural all-rounder (he's created his own Etsy and Society 6 accounts selling prints) so is a gem to bounce ideas off. 

Social Media
Blogging is a full-time commitment. If you want your outlets to grow, you need to be on that social media game and I'm just not that person yet. Being a more passive user of the apps, like myself doesn't cut it. In my defence, I have minimal phone data (only a laughable 500mb) and simply can't afford to fork out for more each month, so I can't be snapping my day whilst out and about. Also, my life really isn't that interesting - Kyle and I are private little homebodies; choosing a Playstation/Mad Men session over drinks and socialising. I do need to pull my finger out and try and keep up a bit more. By the time I get home, I've forgotten that funny anecdote or analogy and to save it to post later just seems unauthentic. 

I have thoughts and opinions, but I guess it's a sense of rejection I'm fearful of - asking 'does anyone actually care about my opinion?' before sending a tweet. Getting no 'likes' or 'favourites' on something you thought was poignant or interesting stings. It shouldn't, but it does. I guess it's something I'll have to get over and just work harder.

It's just funny when influencers moan about their Instagram post only getting a couple hundred likes and I'm there patting myself on the back with 55+
Obviously, it's an important factor when your platforms are your income and the new Insta algorithm is robbing you of your ££. As long as I'm happy with the content that I'm posting (themed or not) then that's all that should matter. It's just hard to re-train your brain to not number watch. 
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Let's be real, who doesn't compare every now and again? There's a difference between judging and comparing. Not to be a cliché, but use it to inspire. Just don't let it do the same thing as I did and get bogged down with what everyone else is doing or who they're working with. Hard work pays off. Keep going and stick with it - it's such a great hobby or job to have, providing opportunities to develop skills, network and meet some like-minded people. The only person you need to be in competition with is with yourself.

K.