No Marriage or Kids For Me, Thanks

I've hit that point in my life where we kind of needed to think about the big life decisions a.k.a. marriage and kids. We've been together 7 years and it's important to know we're on the same page when it comes to where we want our lives to go and neither of us want the wedding ceremony or the 2.4 children. I'll be honest - we've pretty much known that we're to be child-less for a while now: neither Kyle or I have that maternal/paternal instinct unless it comes to furry babies. I could have possibly been talked into it a couple of years ago, but reading a few open hearted articles and learning how f'd this world is, I realise that having children really isn't for me, for several other reasons. 


We live selfish lives
I'm the first to admit that our lifestyle is pretty selfish - we have the luxury of getting up when we want to and deciding in that very minute what we want to do with the day; there's no forward planning really needed or any other being to worry about. That will definitely have to change for when we become doggy parents, which I'm excited for in a couple years' time when we're ready, but I really struggle coming home from work and finding the energy to work out, shower and feed myself let alone finding the time to bathe an even more selfish being screaming at you for food, which will inevitably be a fight.

I'm easily stressed with a short fuse: not the type of personality that would make a particularly fun parent. That's not fair to reluctantly bring a child into an environment where resentment might factor and it's a thought process more people should be having. I've seen a few big names in the YouTube/social media world get flack for being honest about the hardship of parenthood and that's pretty shameful behaviour - it's important to educate those that it's not all giggles and cuddles.

Dogs > Babies
For me, my passion has always been with the furry variety - I feel more of a maternal instinct and bond for pooches than with children. I always grew up around dogs and was never socialised around babies, which could be the reason for the undying love and familiarity. Those moments when you're on public transport and the child in front turns around for some interaction makes me so uncomfortable that I want to escape (I would be terrible at play dates); I have no idea of what to do or say, or where to look. With dogs, it's a different story; obviously I'm aware that they too can be hard work and particularly with adopting, but it's something both Kyle and I find more rewarding. Give me the bio on your dog over a story over what your child did at the weekend any day. 

Money woes
Children are expensive critters. I'll admit I earn far below national average and with Kyle and I being financially independent from each other (50/50 always); the thought of having to fork out for an additional human's needs just doesn't seem feasible to me. I don't have to worry about the increasing rise in nappy costs when the boiler needs fixing and yes, there's government help, but I have this internal battle where I would feel guilty for that reliance as it's not really anyone else's responsibility. I wouldn't want the child to go without, so it makes 0 sense. 

Birth
I'm 5'1" with no hips. Birthing wasn't a treat for my Mum (who is of similar stature) and I probably would follow in those footsteps. Even from a young age, it's a concept I've always found unnerving and I'm sure it's like that with a lot of women, but I know my body and I'm not sure I make the best breeder. Also, Kyle and I would have the hairiest children; something I wouldn't want to inflict on the poor offspring.


As for the marriage thing, it was a recent discussion. Even early on, Kyle and had an interest in that big leap of commitment; the ceremony not so much, but the idea of being committed to someone was appealing and in a way, still is. Maybe it's because we worked too many repetitive wedding functions when we were younger and it's put us off. The longer we've been together and older we get, we realise that life's pretty short and I already struggle with being able to put away a bit each month and go away a couple times a year; why would I want to then restrict myself further for a party that really isn't necessary? Times have luckily changed.

I think it's lovely when people decide to get hitched and to see such dedication to one another, but for us it's simply not important. We're no less committed, no less happy, just prefer to spend our money in other ways. If we were ever to, it would be a quick getaway with just us - we're very private anyway and the thought of sharing such a intimate, tender moment would be way too far out of my comfort zone. I like the idea of keeping it as a secret if it were to happen, as I wouldn't change my name or wear a ring anyway (the feminist in me can't get my head around it), but would I regret not having the archetypal family dynamic later life? Probably not. As long as we've got our health, made the most of opportunities and hopefully contributed to this world in another way, I know that would be fulfilling enough.